Dating has been on my mind lately so I decided to share a paper I once wrote, simply because it is from the heart. Dating has brought many fun and scary experiences hopefully on the path to marriage. I hope you enjoy these thoughts:
“So have a good night.” I said to her as I left her at her apartment door. I walked away in amazement. What a waste of three hours of my life. Not only had my brother set me up with one of the most immature girls I ever met, but halfway through dinner while talking away, she paused, looked up and started gnashing her teeth in the air! As I looked at her, incredulous with wonder at these unprovoked antics over the dinner table, she stopped, giggled and said “I’m so silly!” I seriously considered discussing with her at that point the difference between silly and shockingly disturbing but decided it would only prolong this everlastingly long date. Why do I subject myself to this over and over? It seems that these aimless searches in the dark for a kindred spirit who can hold a meaningful lasting interest for me are only speeding my loss of faith in the opposite sex. I do have faith in how dating should be. This ideal date does not always occur for various reasons, however, there are things that can help minimize failed dates.
My philosophy on dating has been shaped through many personal experiences and observations of others in their dating pursuits. A date is a time which should be fun, so even if you find you have little interest in your partner, you will still enjoy yourself. This makes all dates something to look forward to. Next a date must be a time where you are interested in learning more about the person you are with. This interest should be sincere and based on an honest admiration for the other person. Lastly a date must be planned appropriately to avoid awkward dead time.
Many times this perfect scenario for a date does not occur. Dates are avoided at times because fear of rejection is a natural response. Avoiding pain may be the most basic of instincts and when seeking a date, vulnerability is germane to the situation. This fear of vulnerability will keep an invitation from ever being extended at all for a date. I know this has influenced my dating choices many times.
Many times people on a date have a preconceived notion of what will impress the other person and this becomes the motivation for the date plan. This usually turns into a tension filled, less fun date for both involved. Regardless of the events, if the plan for a date is poorly assembled the night frequently becomes dragged out and tedious.
The fear of these awkward situations can cause people to avoid dating at all costs. Bad experiences can cause a person to become gun-shy when possibilities for dating come along. It becomes easier to become engrossed in studies, work and family or roommates than face the dating monster.
Other excuses come from the complaint that invitations to date never come. Usually this comes from girls since they are traditionally less involved in dating invitations. I believe strongly that the girls with this problem are usually not placing themselves in situations where they will get asked out. Obviously sitting at home with your roommates behind a closed door watching “Friends” will decrease your interactions with potential courtiers. Those girls who choose to instead go to dances, parties, clubs, church functions and other activities will tend to be asked out more frequently due to their increased interactions with date minded men.
I submit that dating may become pointless to some who are not motivated by marriage. To these people they do not have the perspective to see long term purpose in true dating activities. Men will tend to have this trait with less desire to date. This can cause a discrepancy in what men and women expect in a dating relationship.
While dating we should seek to enjoy the difference in personality and experience of the other. While we are seeking to know if we enjoy the qualities of our date, it must be remembered that it is just a date. Dates are not marriage, kids, retirement, or the job interview. We must not place an overwhelming amount of pressure on one date to determine if we should marry the person. This unnecessary pressure is the cause of many lost friendships and potential relationships.
Dating is a complex and meaningful event. A date can be the highlight or the horror story of our week. We should remember to walk the middle line in our dating activities; not too much pressure, be sincere, be friendly, not too strict a schedule, plan, and most importantly have fun. Doing this makes dating fun and a meaningful time to learn about another person.
My philosophy on dating has been shaped through many personal experiences and observations of others in their dating pursuits. A date is a time which should be fun, so even if you find you have little interest in your partner, you will still enjoy yourself. This makes all dates something to look forward to. Next a date must be a time where you are interested in learning more about the person you are with. This interest should be sincere and based on an honest admiration for the other person. Lastly a date must be planned appropriately to avoid awkward dead time.
Many times this perfect scenario for a date does not occur. Dates are avoided at times because fear of rejection is a natural response. Avoiding pain may be the most basic of instincts and when seeking a date, vulnerability is germane to the situation. This fear of vulnerability will keep an invitation from ever being extended at all for a date. I know this has influenced my dating choices many times.
Many times people on a date have a preconceived notion of what will impress the other person and this becomes the motivation for the date plan. This usually turns into a tension filled, less fun date for both involved. Regardless of the events, if the plan for a date is poorly assembled the night frequently becomes dragged out and tedious.
The fear of these awkward situations can cause people to avoid dating at all costs. Bad experiences can cause a person to become gun-shy when possibilities for dating come along. It becomes easier to become engrossed in studies, work and family or roommates than face the dating monster.
Other excuses come from the complaint that invitations to date never come. Usually this comes from girls since they are traditionally less involved in dating invitations. I believe strongly that the girls with this problem are usually not placing themselves in situations where they will get asked out. Obviously sitting at home with your roommates behind a closed door watching “Friends” will decrease your interactions with potential courtiers. Those girls who choose to instead go to dances, parties, clubs, church functions and other activities will tend to be asked out more frequently due to their increased interactions with date minded men.
I submit that dating may become pointless to some who are not motivated by marriage. To these people they do not have the perspective to see long term purpose in true dating activities. Men will tend to have this trait with less desire to date. This can cause a discrepancy in what men and women expect in a dating relationship.
While dating we should seek to enjoy the difference in personality and experience of the other. While we are seeking to know if we enjoy the qualities of our date, it must be remembered that it is just a date. Dates are not marriage, kids, retirement, or the job interview. We must not place an overwhelming amount of pressure on one date to determine if we should marry the person. This unnecessary pressure is the cause of many lost friendships and potential relationships.
Dating is a complex and meaningful event. A date can be the highlight or the horror story of our week. We should remember to walk the middle line in our dating activities; not too much pressure, be sincere, be friendly, not too strict a schedule, plan, and most importantly have fun. Doing this makes dating fun and a meaningful time to learn about another person.
