I am back! It’s been too long, many events happening since last. It must have been that I have been traveling so much (wishful thinking). Now that I am back I promise you (with my fingers crossed) to never have such a gap again. If you were to read my journal you could find many such promises and regretful comments about how long between entries it has been.
My thoughts today are toward a subject which weighs on our decisions and capacity for happiness. As of recent events (and a discussion with very wise friends) I have been able to place into words a feeling hard to describe. Well let me just paint the abstract picture for you.
Going through life we have many highs and lows, loves and hatreds, wins and losses. Only when we magnify a period of life, looking only at a short era do things ever appear stagnant or immutable. Just as we are insensitive to the centripetal acceleration from the earth’s spinning, so are we voluntarily blind to how our lives are in a waltz in and out of trial and probation. Naturally we look forward to some great break from tribulation; how tomorrow I am going to be happy later is going to be so great. This helps us through the tough times and is the visualization of hope, which if we have it not we are nothing.
My subject is with the exception to this common experience, the person who is more sensitive to the subtle changes of life. We probably all know someone like this. This individual keeps their abilities on such a short leash that they know at all times what they are comfortable with. They plan ahead to know what is within the scope of comfort so they will recognize immediately when something is ‘outside the boundaries’ and they can exclude themselves so they feel in control. The rules they live by restrict them to living a full life as defined by society but support the ‘safe’ feeling that they so crave at the core. Ironically the box they have built around themselves to protect is despised by the very builder. Even though you got yourself there you want out.
You want to be able to feel the sunshine that is there for all the kids playing in the park outside the box. You see the luscious green grass and want to lie down, roll in it, feel the textures of the outside world and experience all the joy, happiness and moments of peace that come from living life to the fullest. See the vista from the highest mountain, feel the prairie breeze against the face and the mist from the surf. Know the experience of falling in love, twice, and falling out of it at least once. Experience falling and seeing your flaw, get up, clean off, and set off again at full speed till you encounter another failing and learn again. There is so much to do and see and feel and express, but the box.
If every day is a challenge, what happens when the difficulty comes? Our emotional reserve has been expended on the easy stuff and we have nothing left for the gargantuan challenge standing in our way. What then? If we are always looking (and worrying) about the pebbles beneath our feet how will the mountain ever be possible? It is vital to build an emotional reserve during those moments in the eternity that we have lesser trials. That means that we develop the ability to be a generally healthy and happy person so we have momentum heading into the burdensome stretch that does and always will come.
My Uncle was like me when young, energetic and wild at times, truly a good kid. He was playing one time and ran through a glass door, shattering the door and needing some stitches on his face as a result. Anyone who knows about boys knows that these things happen and must be taken with a grain of salt. My grandmother however blew it up from the moment he came home, telling him that he was going to have a scar and how it looked terrible. This kept on after he got the stitches out, she would always say that it looked so bad and maybe they ought to go to a plastic surgeon to fix it. Almost half a century later she still comments on it, how it is noticeable and how it is awful that he got the scar. The damage done to my Uncles confidence is another subject but he has always thought, because of my dear grandmothers comments, the scar was the only thing that people ever see when they look in his face. When he came home that first time if my grandmother would have said “Aww, that’s not so bad, no one will even notice a thing” decades of hurt and shame would have been avoided, basically making a big deal out of things that aren’t make life difficult. We all need to work at maintaining a healthy ability to ‘not sweat the small stuff’; it’ll all be alright in the end.
Live life, don’t hold back. We only pass this way once anyway so why restrain in seeking after the desirable and praiseworthy things that life has to offer? Shower in a waterfall (in the summer, not now, it’ll kill you), take road trips, go running, kiss. Learn to love challenges cause that is what you should be ready for anyway.
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